Gone for good?

The 170s, that is.

They might just be gone for good. I haven't kept up very well at all with the progress page, but the bottom line is that the first two numbers on the scale are a 1 and a 6. This, for me, is considered a big victory. Besides that, I am officially a size 14, albeit a slightly wonky-shaped one. I know this is probably the "average" size in America, but for now, "average" is just fine with me.

I haven't been counting POINTS for weeks now, but have still been steadily losing due to the good habits that I've developed. I guess I have trained myself to just naturally reach for the 'better' foods instead of the high calorie, fatty ones. I will probably pause for a bit at the weight that I am at, since it almost equates to about 10% lost. Once I feel up to it again, I will start counting POINTS and perhaps even add in some physical activity. *Gasp*, I know.

There have been long periods of time in my life where I'd look around the room and wonder if I was the biggest girl there. I hate that feeling. Can I just say that again? I hate that feeling. Life is too short to live that way; to be constantly standing in judgment of myself. Now, even if that is true, I feel better in my own skin. Maybe not Amazing or Wonderful, but at least Good.

And sometimes Good is good enough.

Mental Note & Week 4

Do not alter your diet to include mostly healthy foods and then splurge on a greasy burger AND an Italian sausage in the same meal. Especially if you have had your gall bladder removed. If you do, you might be kept up most of the night writhing in pain with a horrendous stomach ache, just wishing you would vomit so that you would feel better. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.

But besides that, week four brought a loss of 1.5 pounds! I was a little lax on the weekend {see mental note above} due to a first birthday we attended and because it was Sunday. I've also decided that I'm not going to count POINTS on Sunday as part of my 'keeping the Sabbath'. I'm trying not to go crazy with the eating just because I'm not keeping track, though. I've realized that I prefer to 'eat clean', as I call it, during the week and splurge a little on the weekends, as opposed to just eating a little extra on a daily basis to use my 'weekly' POINTS. Since the weekends usually have more opportunities for eating out or at parties, I figure this is practical too.

So after only four weeks, I've lost about 9 pounds! I need to start thinking about a nifty reward for the 10 pound mark. Ideas?

Week Three and a Recipe

After my zer0-pounds-gained last week, this last week brought a loss of 2.5 pounds, bringing my total lost so far of 7 pounds! Baby steps, right? I realize that I probably need to start trying new recipes to keep the eating excitement up. I have a dusty Weight Watcher's cookbook in my bookcase that I will be cracking open this week.

I can't tell you how much I *love* the fact that I kept this blog the last time around. I feel like it's a trail of {non-fat} breadcrumbs that I left for myself to follow back to the goal. Especially during this difficult season of life, it makes figuring out what to eat or how to adjust my attitude regarding health, much, much easier. I re-read lots of my old posts and am reminded of low-fat snacks I liked or encouraging perspectives I had. It's as if the me from the past is giving advice to the me of the present!

Since it's summertime, I love me a good, cold glass of Iced Tea. So refreshing! But all that sugar? It's a healthy diet buster! So I make a 'lighter' version. I have slowly cut back on the sugar, replacing it with Splenda. Not completely, though. Being the Foodie that I am, my taste buds still need the clean taste of the sweet sugar to balance out the Splenda.

Light Sweet Tea
2 Family-size brew tea bags {or enough small bags to make 8 cups}
4 cups hot water
1/4 c. sugar
1/2-3/4 c. Splenda
4 cups ice water {2 c. water w/2 c. ice}

I make a quick version of Iced Tea. I microwave the first 4 cups of water until hot. Add the tea bags. Let steep for 5 minutes. Add the sugar and 1/2 c. Splenda {taste for sweetness and add more if needed}. Stir well to dissolve. Pour into your pitcher. Add the ice water and stir well. I like to leave my family-size tea bags in the pitcher; I don't know why. Habit, I guess. If you're using the small tea bags, try replacing one with peppermint tea. So, so yummy!

With the less amount of Splenda, the tea flavor is a little more pronounced. Not like McD's Sweet Tea, which compared to this is more like....sugar water with a splash of tea!

Week Two

I survived another week. The scale, however, said 0 pounds lost. I guess depending on my perspective, I could also consider that '0 pounds gained'. I usually do a mid-week weigh-in as well, just to see how my progress is coming along, and at that point, I had lost another 2 pounds, bringing my total to 6 pounds lost! The first two numbers on the scale were a 1 and a 7, which is really super exciting for me. I can't wait for next week to see if I can really and truly say, "Good-bye 180's".

This six pound lost includes a meal from Subway, some Papa John's pizza, a couple ice cream cones from DQ and McD's {only 3 POINTS, people!} and some frozen pizza at a friend's house. I love that I can eat whatever I want, as long as I have the allotted POINTS for it. I am definitely a little more relaxed this time around. Still committed, but not ultra stringent. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I tried on a pair of size 14 jeans yesterday and they fit! They have a lot of 'stretch' built into the denim, but nonetheless, they fit. I will take whatever small victories I can get. The only thing more frustrating than feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is to be at an 'in-between' size. I never know whether I should wear clothing that is a tad bit too tight or to wear it too loose and baggy. It seems like it'll look not quite right either way. Just more motivation to lose that couple extra pounds to get down to the next size!

Hope you're having a happy, healthy week!

Next post: some great recipes!

One Week

I survived. It was harder than it was the first time. I just kept telling myself that I can quit at any time, but 'let's just make it through today and then see how it goes'. I don't want to overwhelm myself with grief, life stress, and then the added work of counting POINTS and analyzing food choices. But I haven't given up yet. The results?

Four-and-a-half pounds lost!

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I have my clothes that are a size smaller in plain view in my closet, which keeps my motivated. When we visited Door County a few weeks ago, I told myself that I wanted to be at least a size smaller the next time we went there. Hopefully that will be this fall, so I have a concrete goal to aim at. I've always focused on 'just losing 10%' of my body weight and then reevaluating after that, so this time I am staying with that same focus. Ten percent would equal 18 pounds. I am interested to see if I lose faster, slower or about the same as I did last time. I will continue to update my progress page here, so you can follow along if you're interested.

15 Weeks and Counting

Today marks 15 weeks of pregnancy. The nausea is still ever present, although it's not nearly as extreme as it was in the first trimester. The evenings are still the worst part of the day and I try to go to bed as early as possible {typically before 9 pm} because I am usually so sick & can not wait to sleep and get some relief! I had 0 pounds gained last week and 0 pounds gained this week. That means only 4 pounds gained so far. Still on track for a 25 pound gain during this pregnancy! I have been wearing a combination of my old "fat" clothes {mostly sweatpants} and occasionally some maternity clothes. I feel a mixture of pleasure & sadness when I put on my old clothes as pregnancy-wear. Pleasure that I was able to successfully leave those baggy items behind by losing 22 pounds {and can now use them as maternity clothes!} and sadness that I stayed at that weight {unhappily} for so long. The whole family was able to attend an early pregnancy ultrasound where we all got to see our newest little one! He/she is measuring exactly right for dates and was opening & closing his/her mouth for us to see. It was so precious! I'll be sharing my latest technique for taking weekly baby steps on my other blog, so stop by for a visit! Hope you had a happy & healthy week!

Goodbye, Hello

Goodbye First Trimester. I wish you farewell. I'm hoping you held the lion's share of sickness and emotional difficulty. What between the surprise/shock/confusement {is that a word?} of actually discovering I was pregnant, all the holiday busyness and my dear Hubs being out a job, I was amazed I held it together as well as I did. You were over before I knew it. Goodbye regular jeans *sniff, sniff*. I didn't get to enjoy you nearly long enough before I had to give you up.

Hello to the next 13 weeks! I pray you will signify better health, more energy, and feeling more like ME again. I'm sure you will welcome warmer weather & more sunshine, which will boost this pregnant mama's spirits tremendously. Hello to maternity clothes {mixed feelings on that one}, ultrasounds {!!}, and hopefully the news of whether I'll be welcoming another son or another daughter. Hello to feeling my little one moving inside of me & a cute little belly to boot. {Does anyone else hate that time where you're not really showing yet, but you're too big for your regular clothes so you just look.....fat?}

Mini Update...
I guess it's official that I gained another 2 pounds. Somehow a pound snuck in a few weeks ago, so that brings the total up to three. I'm somewhat disappointed as I hoped to have 0 pounds gained at the end of the first trimester, but such is life. Considering the fact that my wee one is bigger than he/she should be at this point {Hello? Do you have a friend in there?}, I still feel this amount of weight gain is reasonable. I am planning/wishing for a gain of 7 pounds for the second trimester {average of 1/2 a pound a week} and a gain of 15 pounds in the third trimester {about 1 pound per week} would be a good target. That would bring my total gain up to 25 pounds, right about where I want to be.

I am still updating my progress page {tabbed at the top} with my pregnancy weight gain, so if you are preggo too, you can follow along. If you're just eating healthy & trying to shed a few pounds, you can also still see my weekly weight loss log while on Weight Watchers.

Three cheers for a happier, healthier next 13 weeks!

Slim Down Sundays: 0 gained

The other girls {Alicia, Beth, Brit, Erin & Hollie} are doing Slim Down Sundays, but for obvious reasons, my version will just focus on staying healthy. {Does it matter that I'm a day late? Can we just pretend that I wrote this yesterday & that you're just discovering it today? Ok then.}

Good News: I still weigh 166, which means 0 pregnancy pounds gained so far. My short-term goal is to still have 0 pounds gained by the end of the first trimester {which means only 2 more weeks to go}. The other great news is that world's best mom filled my freezer & cupboards to overflowing with groceries yesterday. Lots of goodies for the kids & healthy goodies for me & the hubs! I can't wait to try and review some of the new yummies!

Bad News: My second-half-of-the-day-nausea has put a real cramp in my eating style. I vacillate between eating what my body is craving {even if it IS mac & cheese from the blue box *gasp*} and eating what I know is healthy & tastes good, like salads, low-fat dairy, etc. Part of my difficulty is that by dinner time, I am too sick to cook. We have had way too many frozen pizzas around here {*double gasp*} instead of homemade meals. I think know I need to get some OAMC meals in the freezer that require little last minute work, other than to heat up a side dish.

This week's goal: Choose healthy foods when I'm feeling up to it & make at least one recipe to put in the freezer!

Week at a Glance

I'm taking a break from the "sampler" series to give ya'll my weekly update.

*drumroll, please*

Lost 2 more pounds! I'm seriously as surprised as you are. I like to give my body two weeks to adjust, but seeing as Thanksgiving is this week, I won't be surprised if I don't stay *exactly* where I'm at {165!}. I used quite a few flex points in the beginning of the week {um, I think it was emotional eating} so I buckled down from about Wednesday onward. I tried limiting myself to a 3 PT breakfast & 6 PT lunch with a morning snack, just to see how that worked out. The first few days of the week I had a 4 PT breakfast & an 8 PT lunch with no snack in between. For some reason, going without that mid-morning snack, even though I had a bigger lunch, still left me feeling hungrier throughout the day.

I'm still diggin' on my Thomas' Multi-grain English Muffin spread with a Laughing Cow Light. I've had this for breakfast about 3 times this week. You'd really know how much I must like it if you knew I much I love variety. After all, it is the Spice of Life, people!

I tried an Aldi Fit 'N Active Pizza Puff this week, which I will review in another post. I love trying new things to keep my palate happy. I also tried a recipe from Cooking Light magazine for Buttermilk Biscuits. That's another thing on my list to remake & review. I'll just say that they were delish!

I'm reading another foodie book called Trails of Crumbs: Hunger, Love, and the Search for Home. It's the memoir of an adopted Korean girl & how food is a comfort in both her geographical and emotional journey. Part of it is set in France {self-proclaimed francophile here!} and is sprinkled with recipes throughout. I think it's so poetic how much a part food plays in our memories. The author remembers with fondness the dishes her grandfather used to make for her after school. I too remember different dishes I've made throughout my life. I keep remembering how I used to make Chicken Pot Pie with frozen vegetables and Bisquick when I was first married. I laugh at it now, but that dish, which requires little culinary technique, respresents the same amount of skill I had in the area of being an excellent wife.

My small group leader complimented me twice last night for looking "put together". I eventually casually said that it might have something to do with the 20 pounds I've lost. It could also be due to a book I've been studying called Sam Saboura's Real Style: Style Secrets for Real Women with Real Bodies. Love it! You analyze your body type & then the book shows you how to build your wardrobe based on your body. For me, dressing better makes me feel better. Feeling like I look better keeps me motivated to continue my good relationship with food and treating my body well. I realize that throughout my life, I've really only dressed "nicely" when I felt like I looked good. When I was weighing upwards of 180, my wardrobe consisted mainly of sweatpants, leftover maternity clothes {when the timing dictated} and loose fitting cotton shirts. I guess it was because I just didn't even feel bien dans ma peau. Or good in my skin, so to speak. It still feels like a conundrum to me. Shouldn't I have loved myself anyways? Enough to at least present a nice appearance? If I did love myself enough though, wouldn't I have loved myself enough to change my relationship with food & shed that unnecessary baggage?

Have you dressed the same way whether you've weighed 125 or 165? Or is your style based on how well you feel dans sa peau {in your skin}?

Goodbye 170s!!

Hello 160s! {I have not seen ya'll in a really long time.} It's been about 3 years, I believe, before the holiday season of 2005. I remember being about 168-ish then. I gained 10 pounds that holiday time & never lost it.

I am happy to report that I am nearing the 20-pound-lost mark! We had another round of the sickies, which left me with low appetite this week. I've been neglecting the POINT counting as well this weekend. Yesterday {not my official weigh-in day, but I was going to have a big lunch/dinner & was afraid Sunday morning's weigh-in would reflect that} the scale said 168.5. Then this morning, official weigh-in day, the scale said 168. HUH. I will be going with 168.5 for the record. That would still mean I lost 2 pounds last week. Surprising, but I'll take it!

Some days I feel really great about my body & my progress. Other days I feel as if I went from being really, really fat to just really fat. {Does one "really" make any difference?} I look at my flabby Santa Claus-like belly and wonder if that thing will ever go away. Hubster says that I "feel" thinner when he hugs & holds me, which is seriously encouraging. Sometimes I wonder why more people haven't noticed those missing 20 pounds. Maybe I do not really look that different? Maybe they have their own issues with extra-pounds, so would rather not broach the subject?

Dressing a little nicer than usual helps me to lift my spirits on those "fat" days. There's nothing like digging out a pair of pants that fit too snugly to wear just a few weeks ago & finding that, not only can you button them, but they fit flatteringly as well {happened just this morning}! My definition of "fit" {when it comes to pants} is being able to button/zipper them without a belly roll hanging over the top. Sounds yucky, but true. Some people might think that if you can shove yourself into those babies & take a deep breath to latch 'em shut, that that constitutes the fact that they "fit". Not me.

What's your definition of clothes that "fit"? Being able to squeeze in or wear comfortably?

Horseshoes & Hand Grenades

My dad used to say that "ALMOST only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades". Today was my short-term goal date for losing 10% of my body weight (18 pounds). I guess I can only say that I almost made it. If it weren't for those two weeks of sickness thrown in there, I might've come pretty close. My short-term goal weight for today was 168. The scale said 170.5 this morning. I am so excited to be close to breaking into the 160s! I decided that once I break 170, I will be treating myself to a new {or new-to-me} Pilates DVD. Gotta have those rewards built in, girls! I then will refocus my attention to my next short-term goal, which is to weigh 160 by December 6. That gives me 7 weeks to lose 10.5 pounds, meaning I would have to lose exactly 1.5 pounds per week to make that happen. I am considering moving that goal date back by a few weeks, considering I will have our anniversary getaway and Thanksgiving thrown in the mix to contend with. I keep telling myself, "This is not a race. This is not a race. This is your life. This is not a race." I need to extend myself a bit more grace than I have been. I need to remember to enjoy my life.

Got any short-term goals you're working on? How are those coming along?

Back on Track

subtitled as, "Why not to take more than a week off of conscious eating"

I really feel that I still made the best choice I could by not strictly managing my eating while sick. Some days, I would sleep for 9 hours at night & still need a 1 1/2 hour nap! Suffice it say, measuring portions & making critical healthy food choices were not at the top of my list. Some days I barely ate anything {2 crackers by lunchtime!} and other days my appetite was a little better. All things aside, I maintained my weight for one week & lost about 1/2 pound the second week. I must say though, it was mighty hard to restart the conscious food choices after so long of a break. It's almost like I had lost some momentum. I started counting POINTS again on Sunday and I am just starting to feel myself gain steam again.

The family and I went on a great bike ride today, enjoying the beauty of His creation and a day that turned out to be absolutely perfect. I love these kinds of days, cooler, clear blue sky, leaves starting look splendid. It was made all the more marvelous by the fact that I started out dreary, overcast & depressing. I felt like there was some sort of spiritual lesson to that fact! Hubs pulled my two littles in our bike trailer & oldest daughter rode her two-wheeler. I left the family at a pit stop & continued on for a ways, then turned around and nearly caught them on their way back. It felt good to get the body moving while in nature, especially during this season. Not only that, but I earned 2 exercise POINTS while I did it!

One Week Ago....

....I got sick & stopped counting POINTS. I am still sick & still not counting, focusing on just getting better. I figured that even if I don't lose anything {or even gain a pound} it won't be too big of a deal. I rather spend the little energy that I do have on homeschooling, my family & my home, instead of on keeping track of & planning what I am eating. I did already lose another 2 pounds last week, so I am getting pretty close to breaking into the 160s. That will be so exciting!! I think it's probably been about 3 years since I weighed one-sixty-anything.

Breaking the news.....

In all honesty, the reason I haven't shared this blog with anyone boils down to one thing: fear of failure. I figured if I didn't tell anyone that I was trying to make healthier lifestyle choices & I failed, then no one would know. It's not something that I should care too much about in the first place: what other people think, I mean. I promised myself that once I had lost enough pounds for others to start noticing, that I would go public with this blog, aka announcing it on my personal blog. Well, someone noticed. It's just one person, but it encourages me that I am beginning to look different. I definitely feel different and my clothes feel different {mostly being too big}! I think it will be soon that I will put this out there for more people to see.

I can't wait to start feeling better so I can get back on track with managing my eating a bit better. Ta-ta for now!

31 by 31 and more

I'm here to report: Twelve pounds gone forever! There are 15 weeks left in the year and that means about 21 weeks until my next birthday. If I can maintain about a 1 pound a week loss {with a tiny bit of wiggle room for those food-laden holidays}, I can possibly lose 31 pounds by my 31st birthday. I think that goal just has a nice ring to it.

On the clothing front.....

I wore a pair of capris yesterday that will have to be permanently relegated to the too big pile {saving them just in case I decide to have another baby & need some bigger clothes}. I really dislike being in between sizes, but am too practical/frugal to buy too many clothes to bridge the gap. When clothes are too loose, it just looks sloppy to me. When they are too tight, it seems like I am trying too hard to be in a size I don't belong in. I guess I'll just have to get by with my new go-to Old Navy jeans until more of the smaller clothes start fitting. Now if only the weather would cool down so I can wear them!

Weekend Pleasures....

We went to our local apple orchard as a family this last weekend, where I *enjoyed* two apple cider doughnuts. I started with just one & after careful consideration, decided to eat a second one as well. I thoroughly enjoyed them, each and every bite, savoring their warmth, light texture, and sugar-crusted goodness. I kept telling Hubster that, "Those were the best doughnuts I've ever had....." It was truly mindful eating at it's best.

Dining Victory & Update

Last Sunday my step-mom took the train in from Chicago for a visit. She graciously offered to take the family to Biaggi's. I love this restaurant & it has been several years since I have been there. I have been telling hubby that I don't want to be a "slave to my POINTS", letting them totally control & dictate how I live & eat. When I sat down to look at the menu, I nearly started salivating over all the yummy dishes. {I think I should've counted one POINT for simply reading about all their cream sauces & pasta!} I almost threw the whole POINTS deal out the window, but decided on showing a little self restraint instead. I had one piece of bread from the breadbasket {herbed foccaccia, I believe} dipped in olive oil. ONE piece! I still can hardly believe it. Hubby & I shared a small caesar salad, of which I ate less than half {I can make it better at home}. For my entree, it was grilled chicken which had been marinated in balsamic vinegar, rosemary & a touch of honey served with veggies. I was repeatedly kicking myself for forgetting to ask for the veggies in light oil or grilled. UGH. Lesson learned. We did order dessert {Tiramisu, uber-YUM!} and I limited myself to 4 forkfuls. I left there feeling satisfied in more ways than one. Small victories, ya'll.

I am down one more pound this week. This was a good result, considering the dinner at Biaggi's and our weekly small group meeting {last night}, with lots of food {affectionately nicknamed "the trough" by the way}. Seeing the numbers go down still seems a bit surreal to me, like these are just arbitrary numbers with no concrete meaning. I think once I start fitting into some of my older clothes then the weight loss will seem more real. {I wonder if anyone else feels this way!} I am wearing an OLD pair of jeans today, that I believe I haven't worn in two years, which is leaving me feeling a little out-of-sorts. "Huh? Do these really fit?" They are a little on the snug side, but my daily go-to pair of jeans are now a little too big & I am constantly pulling them up. I wish I had an in-between pair, but hopefully in a few weeks the ones I have on will be fitting a little better.

That's all for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Bye-bye 180's!

I weighed myself yesterday morning & the scale said 177.5. Very encouraging after a 0 loss last week! I think this means that I've lost enough not to fluctuate back up into the 180s. This also means that I need to dock myself another daily WW point, down to 23. I haven't seen this weight since before I got pregnant with baby #3, 18 months ago. The loss still doesn't feel real, like some arbitrary number with no real meaning. I think once I start fitting into clothes that I haven't been able to wear, it will become all the more real.

Hooray for another small victory!

Progress

Well, I guess there's no turning back now. Putting my details here for the whole world to see is at the same time both scary & motivating. If this helps/motivates/encourages just one other person to change their own life, it will have been worth it! {I guess even if it doesn't, it will have been worthwhile to me.}

Click here for "before" photos!

Height: 5' 2.5" {yep. That 1/2" matters.}

Round 1 (began August 5, 2008)
Week 1: -4
Week 2: -3
Week 3: 0
Week 4: -2.5
Week 5: -1.0
Week 6: -1.5
Week 7: -2.0
Week 8: 0
Week 9: -.5
Week 10: -1.5
Week 11: -.5
Week 12: -2.0
Week 13: +.5
Week 14: +1.0 {BIG anniversary trip}
Week 15: -1.5
Week 16: -1.5
Week 17: -2.0

Beginning Weight: 186-ish
Beginning Size: average 16

Current Weight: 177
Current Size: loose 16/tight 14

Round 2 (began July 14, 2009)
Week 1: -4.5
Week 2: 0
Week 3: -2.5
Week 4: -1.5